NEWS BRIEF
FNP has learned that a terrible accident has recently occurred at the posh private reserve in south Texas known as African Safari-Land & Spa. A young man who worked as a caddy at the prestigious 36-hole golf course that adjoins the wild game reserve at Safari-Land was killed in an accident, involving former Vice President Richard "Dick" Cheney.
According to usually reliable sources, the caddy may have been involved in drug trafficking. He apparently was armed and, when accidentally encountering the former VP in the rough near a fence that separates the animal reserve from the golf course, he drew his handgun to fire.
Mr. Cheney, who was armed with a high-powered rifle that he was using to hunt oystrich, hoping to have the trophy made into boots, leveled his weapon on the caddy and fired. Both men were hit. According to a Saudi Arabian official who requested anonymity, he was part of a group, including Mr. Cheney and an undisclosed member of the Bush family, who were hunting in the reserve that morning. He stated that the wounded caddy was screaming and writhing on the ground just inside the fence at the rough of the golf course. He witnessed the wounded and enraged VP go to the fence, aim his rifle, and fire into the caddy a death wound. All agreed that this was an accident and mercy killing, as the caddy could not be saved, considering his grievous wounds.
Other usually reliable sources have told FNP, strictly on the basis of not for attribution, that the caddy appeared to have a backpack full of packages of white material. However, subsequent searches of the golf course area near the accident reportedly resulted in no unusual discoveries.
Richard Cheney was rushed to a hospital for treatment and later transferred to a hospital closer to his home. There, he was reported to have had a "heart procedure" done. The good news is that the former VP seems to be on the mend.
FNP is further investigating the expensive, exclusive, members-only African Safari-Land & Spa and intends upon getting a fuller story. We believe that there is more here than meets the eyes.
