FNP: DONALD GRAHAM, THE LAST QUEEN OF SCOTLAND?

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:

 

Katherine Meyer Graham

FNP has stumbled across some interesting new information that recently surfaced in regard to the late Katherine Meyer Graham. 

As many of our readers know, Mrs. Graham met an untimely demise in Wyoming, when she allegedly stumbled.

Note: some highly placed Wyoming authorities have been, and still are, suspicious about this “accidental” death, and the case may be re-opened as a homicide inquiry.

According to usually informed “Graham watchers,” prior to her unexpected “fall,” Katherine Meyer Graham had hired some of the finest genealogists in American and the U.K. to investigate her various family lines. Included amongst these authorities were top professionals from Burke’s Peerage. According to usually reliable sources, the investigation hit “pay dirt.” An overlooked line through Mrs. Graham’s husband, Philip, was “royal-blue blood.”

Famed historian, Professor Bene’ Brazil, discovered verified documents suggesting that Mary, Queen of Scotland, had a “love child.” According to this new evidence, the queen had a brief ardor for a Spanish dignitary, Lorenzo de Cordoba, who had visited her court on official business of the king. 

Interestingly, Lorenzo was said to be a Marrano that was descended from the Sephardic Jew, Ricardo de Marrakech, a gentleman who came into great prominence at the time of the Muslim Imperium in North Africa. He was a counselor to the Caliph of Cordoba. His wealth and power became great. He was famed for his vision. Professor Brazil has suggested, in fact, that a “love child" of his became the world famous, Nostradamus, whose prophetic vision is studied even today.

The professor has announced his determination to search the line of Ricardo de Marrakech further. Apparently, Ricardo’s father, “Esau the Imposter,” had earned a vile reputation in western North Africa.

Esau the Imposter



This breaking story has surprising importance for our time. If the information obtained by these experts should stand, the late Philip Graham was possessed of a lineage which gave him a claim to be the rightful king of Scotland.

Although the kingdom of Scotland doesn’t exist as a separate, sovereign nation, being part of Great Britain, and it is ruled by the Windsor (nee’ Hanover) queen, Elizabeth II, there have been separatist spirits stirring there for a long time. These spirits in recent times have waxed noticeably. Should a separatist movement engender sufficient force to compel an autonomous state within a state, one that has at least a figurehead king for the sake of tradition and for the sake of providing patriots a point around which they might gather, then serious attention must be given to any heir of Philip Graham, as that rightful king.

The one person whose name has most often been mentioned was Donald Graham, the well-known media mogul. Sometimes referenced as the “Lord of Fifteenth Street,” Donald was comfortable in the realm of riches and power. As a frequent attendee at “Bilderberger” meetings, where royal and rich people, and their servant “eggheads,” gather to schmooze, kvetch and schlep (to the canapé trays), he was quite aware of the culture of European High Society. He, indeed, fitted in well. Informed sources suggested that he would bring his pet “hog” to advise and brief him on the more difficult concepts bandied about by leaders of the ”World Community.” Indeed, the court of “King Graham” might well be filled with former Washington Post employees.

As Professor Brazil asserted, if William the Conqueror could appoint Normans to the lordships of England, why couldn’t King Donald appoint loyal Post pundits to the lordships of Scotland?  

FNP hastens to warn that this excitement about Donald Graham is premature. Whether events unfold in such a way as to create the need for a king in Scotland cannot be known with certainty. Those who make a point of speculating upon such events say that the crown may go to Donald. How the Scot people “personalize” Donnie’s rule can only be guessed at, but at least one expert observer felt that the Scot people might well dub him: “Donald the Strange.”



Donald Graham

 One interested observer noted, strictly “not for attribution,” that Donald’s alleged surgery and identity “makeover” might preclude his being crowned “king.” While no further comment was made, the implication of this informed source seemed to be that Donnie would instead be crowned “Queen of Scotland.” If this be so, then let us all shout: “Long Live the Queen!”




Ricardo de Marrakech

 

FNP: RUMORS ABOUND IN DC THAT DONALD GRAHAM IS NOW A WOMAN

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

There have been persistent rumors floating about Washington that the Chairman of The Washington Post Company, Donald E. Graham, was now a woman.


According to one anonymous source, the late Katherine Meyer Graham had kept a stable of Haitian Mandingoes in plush digs near the company offices at 15th & L Streets, NW Washington, D.C. According to this source, Donald fell in love with one of these Haitians. His name was either Emil or Ariel. He was, unfortunately, also Katherine’s favorite lover.

There had been numerous allegations of instability in Donald Graham, but fear of the wrath of this powerful family induced an almost uniform soto voce character to such expressions.

According to one usually reliable source, this triangle became increasingly acrimonious, as Donald’s jealousy toward his mother grew deeper. He suffered from not merely frustration but a deep sense of wanton wounding. His mother could have had any of the Mandingoes. Why did she have to spend all her free time with Emil? There had been a suggestion, according to this source, that Donald grew to believe that his mother was doing it intentionally to spite him, to mock him, and to keep him deprived of the love he sought so urgently.



Knowledgeable observers of this unsavory situation began to fear that something terrible was going to happen. When the first reports of Katherine Meyer Graham’s “accident” in Wyoming were received in the Washington, D.C. area, there were many quick, shared glances amongst those privileged to be part of this great family’s friends, associates, servants, and contractors. These were they who had come to know something of this awkward love triangle.


For all his oddness and instability, Donald Graham had made many strong and useful acquaintances. From his father, Philip L. Graham, he had inherited many close, well-connected C.I.A. officials. Such men were well-accustomed to “odd-balls” and would have thought nothing particularly strange about Donald.


Too, Donald spent a period of time in the military in Vietnam. Many shrewd observers suspected that he worked for the C.I.A. clandestinely. Rumors of drug-dealing naturally arose, given the assumed C.I.A. connection.


When he returned to the U.S.A., Donald briefly joined the D.C. Metropolitan police. Several anonymous observers believed that he had made private contacts amongst the most promising young officers, sealing these relationships over the years. Most of these observers believed that Donald had been able to influence the decisions about which police officer went to which key department within the Metropolitan police organization. These relationships, sources suggested, would gain for Donald access to men who would be willing to do just about anything for the right “payday.”


His position at The Washington Post, his relationship with the C.I.A., and his relationship with the Metropolitan Police Department provided Donald Graham with levers for “hushing” or “covering up” matters that ordinary mortals could not. Not even Katherine Meyer Graham had such connections.


The death of Katherine Meyer Graham had surprised many. Mourners would stop by the imposing Graham estate to pay their respects. Some would later report that Donald had been upstairs in seclusion. They reported hearing him wailing at his loss, but a few of these had observed that the sounds were more like “cackling.”


Knowledgeable observers of the Washington, D.C. scene have sworn that Donald moved into the plush digs where the Haitian Mandingos had lived. According to these anonymous reporters, Donald sent all the Haitians home, excepting Emil.


Unfortunately, the old triangle existed as a shadow, because Emil had a genuine, sensual love for Katherine. According to a highly-placed Graham-family observer, distraught by this lingering intrusion of his mother into his love-life, he had promised Emil that he, Donald, would become like “Mother.”


More than a few people had been aware of the alleged “prostate” operation which Donald underwent. Such operations have occurred each year in the United States in the scores of thousands, give or take. Most of these operations had been what they had been said to have been. Yet, in the case of Donald Graham, something different was said to have occurred. Anonymous but usually reliable sources state unequivocally that special surgeons had been present. It was said that they had brought along their own special nurses. Further, according to knowledgeable medical personnel, there were pieces of equipment brought into the operating room never used for a simple prostate removal procedure. They hadn't known what such devices were used for. Furthermore, hardly had the prostate operation reached a level of immediacy, when all the regular surgeons were replaced by these other doctors. The regular doctors had walked out of the operating room, along with the nurses who usually assisted at such operations. They were replaced by a team of surgeons who had flown from Switzerland just to operate on Donald. Lastly, the operation on Donald Graham took far more time than a typical prostate removal would have taken.

Although the matter has not been conclusively determined, as Donald Graham has refused all suggestions that a neutral medical specialist check his postoperative condition, rumors about a sex-change operation have grown. There were rumors that he may have had a realistic, penial-scrotal prosthesis constructed, perhaps from molds of his actual, original equipment. The great wealth of the Graham family made such a fantasy operation actually achievable. The great power of The Washington Post made a “cover-up” plausible. Having friends in high places at the C.I.A. and the D.C. Metropolitan Police, can’t hurt. Further, there could be no doubt that the elite like to hang out together, preferably behind high walls or fences and guarded by well-trained security, whose price tag made them available only to the rich. The rich were special and, perhaps, strange.

There was, perhaps, this last item. The quality of this report was not so solid, however. There was a source that stated emphatically that Donald and Emil lived together as often as possible in the plush digs originally provided by Katherine Meyer Graham. Emil was said to be very happy about Donald’s operation. Lastly, this source claimed that they loved to watch Richard Widmark films together.  



Richard Widmark



Some FNP readers may object that this story isn't hard news. To some it may appear to be the sort of thing one might encounter on Entertainment Today and not suited to a great news outlet such as FNP. However, the "movers and shakers" in America deserve to be accorded special attention. People such as Donald Graham aren't like you and me. The people must know.



Donald Graham



FNP: MR. T HOSPITALIZED

Mr. T

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

FNP has learned from very reliable sources in the Israeli state that Mr.T was hospitalized for minor injuries incurred during a Jewish ritual. He is expected to be released, barring complications, in a couple of days.

According to one source, when Mr.T was first hired to protect the comatose General Ariel Sharon, Binyamin Netanyahu objected because he asserted that Mr. T was not clean, according to rabbinic authorities on the Talmud. He stated that Israeli intelligence had determined that Mr.T was not circumcised. Hence, he could not be allowed near the ailing Sharon.

Gurli Gur

According to Israeli media star, Gurli Gur, at a conference between Israeli state officials, hospital officials, and Mr.T, the renowned security expert agreed to be circumcised. He stated that his main concern was protecting Ariel Sharon.


Sources say that it was at this time that Binyamin Netanyahu, who had attended this meeting, suggested that Rabbi Shammi Oyhe, reputed to be very close to the hardest elements in the Likud Party and a relative of Mr. Netanyahu, perform the ritual circumcision.


All sources have independently affirmed these facts as certain. The meeting broke up and the appointed date for the circumcision was the following day.


Once again turning to Gurli Gur, who attended the ceremony as a representative of the pooled media, FNP was advised by this super-newshound that the  relevant individuals gathered at the appointed place, which was a room at the hospital. Mr.T was dressed in a blue institutional robe of the type usually provided to patients who were to be operated on. He wore very few of his distinctive, decorative apparel. He was present before the rabbinic official arrived. He did not seem nervous but rather stoical.


According to this source, Rabbi Oyhe arrived soon thereafter. From a leather case he withdrew his special ointments and tools and set them on a table upon which clean linen had been placed. A special candle, called the "pillar of Akiva," was set on the table and lit. There were two rabbinic witnesses to the correctness of the procedure.

Rabbi Shammi Oyhe

When all was prepared, Rabbi Shammi Oyhe motioned for Mr.T to take a supine position on an indicated surgical platform near at hand. Mr.T was told to roll to one side, so that the rabbi could have an advantageous position to execute the circumcision. The other rabbis took positions on the backside of Mr.T, effectively shielding the procedure from the eyes of the others in the room.


According to Mr. Gur, all seemed well. The presiding rabbi had placed the part on a small linen-covered, wooden block. He was seen to stoop to his case and withdraw something - perhaps a special tool.


Then, suddenly Mr.T and Rabbi Oyhe were struggling with a meat cleaver. The two witnessing rabbis attempted to restrain Mr.T, but they could not control the powerful "King of Bodyguards." When order was restored by police and hospital orderlies, the two camps broke up.

As the rabbis stormed out of the room, according to our source, they gave Mr.T the "Evil-Eye."

At a post-circumcision meeting shortly thereafter, the still excited, angry Mr.T exclaimed: "That fool tried to tomahawk me!"


Indeed, some minor damage had been inflicted on Mr.T, who stayed overnight in a hospital bed as a precautionary measure. From all FNP's sources in the hospital and the Israeli leadership, Mr.T remained uncircumcised.


A friendly rabbi had offered to perform a conceptual circumcision to make Mr.T eligible for security duty over the person of Ariel Sharon. Although opposed by the Netanyahu faction, this proposal won approval among a majority of Israeli statemen.


Two days later, Mr.T was providing vigorous bodyguard service for the beloved, comatose Sharon.


FNP's man in the Levant, Jasper Lee Stone, has advised us that there was considerable hostility within the Israeli government toward Mr.T and also toward Curtis Sliwa. "Expect more trouble," he advised. 

Curtis Sliwa

 

FNP is watching events in the Middle East very intently and carefully. This is a "hotspot" that won't cool.

FNP: POLICE EYE DONNIE LINK TO CHANDRA



Donald Graham



Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.: 

This is a breaking story. FNP has learned that Donald Graham has become a "person of interest" in the Chandra Levy case.

A very high source in the California State Attorney's Office, who requested anonymity for this information, confirmed that Mr. Donald Graham was thought to be involved in the death of Chandra Levy.

FNP has sounded out our West Coast contacts to get a better picture of how things stand. Our best sources agree that data had been gathered by California police, which established a circumstantial connection between Mr. Graham and Ms. Levy, and that it will be revealed to the proper Washington, D.C. authorities soon.

One of the sources in the West Coast investigation was thought to be Patty "Machine Gun" Hearst, who has had a longtime friendship with the strange Donnie Graham. This media mogul would not return FNP's telephone calls to Hearst Publications.

Nevertheless, FNP has been able to piece together a very general understanding of the facts of the case and the issues at law.

By now most people were aware of Chandra Levy's relationship with Congressman Gary Condit. It was an illicit affair, as Condit was married. Why would the young intern get intimately involved with Representative Condit? 

As we have suggested in the past, one scenario involving Ms. Levy was that she was enlisted by the Mossad, the Israeli intelligence agency famed for its deceit in pursuit of a successful mission. If in fact she was a tool of the Mossad, her part in its mission would be to spy on Rep. Condit, who headed a House Subcommittee on Intelligence. It has been said that we live in an Age of Information. Control of information was power. Intelligence was the key to control.

Chandra Levy

Assuming Ms. Levy was devoted to the Israeli State, her devotion to its cause was probably complete. She would give up her body, if it would bring security to the Jewish State. She was a soldier.

However, if Ms. Levy "fell for" Rep. Condit unexpectedly, then she might be deemed a toxic asset by the Mossad. Then it might be necessary to terminate Ms. Levy and blame the crime on a patsy.

By using advanced forensic counterfeiting, Chandra's simulated teeth, DNA, bones and clothing could be hidden at a remote part of the Rock Creek Park. Counting on D.C. Metropolitan Police to be reluctant to search thick out-of-the-way terrain, the Mossad could let the "remains" weather according to local conditions. Then they could send an operative to walk the dog in that remote area, and, in the process he would discover her "remains," notifying police soon thereafter.

The Mossad would count on the U.S. Park police to arrive first. Observation of their work in the Vince Foster case would have made the Mossad confident that they would quickly fall for the ruse.

However, there was also the possibility that the Mossad might view Chandra Levy as a "diamond in the rough" who merely needed to be educated and refined in her craft. In this scenario the real Chandra Levy might actually have been taken to the Israeli state, where she could be trained for additional espionage - possibly in Europe or the Levant. With her hair dyed blonde, only her parents would be able to reckonize her, but they would not be looking, as they would think that she was dead.

The Israeli Embassy has refused to comment on this issue.

In the past we offered a second scenario, and it is this scenario that interested the West Coast authorities. Our scenario went thusly:

Chandra Levy had been a journalist major in college. Although such a degree would make Ms. Levy even more interesting to the Mossad, they might not be alone. Katherine Meyer Graham was the head of one of the nation's most successful media empires, led by The Washington Post. The Post undoubtedly had an eye out for promising young journalists. 

Katherine Meyer Graham



One can easily imagine Katherine Meyer Graham inviting some key representatives to the Post penthouse for "off the record" discussions. Among these might well be Rep. Condit. Perhaps on another occasion such as a gala for some worthy cause, Katherine Meyer Graham might encounter Rep. Condit, who would be seen escorting Chandra Levy, as his wife might have taken ill and bid him to "get a gal from the office to go with you."

FNP had speculated that Mrs. Graham had liked the young intern at once. Learning that she had a degree in journalism, Katherine Meyer Graham most certainly would have urged her to consider a career at The Washington Post. She probably invited Chandra to a private party - "Just us girls!" - so that Rep. Condit would not be offended nor offer objection.

The gathered evidence pointed to a budding love affair between the powerful Katherine and the bright young Chandra. One highly regarded Graham-watcher told FNP that Mrs. Graham shared with Chandra her fear of Donnie. According to this source, the plucky Chandra was incensed at the thought of anyone hurting Katherine.

If this speculation proved to be correct, then immediately it would have establish a dangerous triangle of Katherine, Chandra and Donnie. Sources close to the Graham family have maintained that Donald Graham was insanely jealous of his mother. He had seen her take away one lover, and now she was betraying the memory of Phillip Graham, who had died under suspicious circumstances, when he appeared to be planning to steal The Washington Post from Katherine, divorce her, and take up with his mistress.

FNP underlines this point: It was not a same-sex issue.

Donald Graham had proven to be an amiable oddball, who had accomplished little in life on his own. His lush, hedonistic lifestyle did not commend him as a workaday prospect. Yet, some Graham observers have maintained that Donnie's personality had changed over the last few years. It was a darker, brooding one.

Surely, Donnie must have worried about his future. If his mother gave The Washington Post to her new protege, Chandra Levy, what would become of Donnie?

According to Graham watchers, at a dinner party given by Katherine, Donnie had met Chandra, who had laughed at him. These sources stated that Donald had fled to his room, locked the door, and watched Richard Widmark movies. Sometimes, these sources claimed, they had hear "cackling" sounds coming from Donald's room.

These, then, were the steamy conditions surrounding the "triangle of passion."

The case preparation in California suggested that Donnie had lured Chandra Levy to his apartment on some pretext. After she had arrived, either Donald, or Emil, or both strangled Ms. Levy. They waited until dark. Then they stealthily carried her in a box to a large SUV, wherein they shoved the box. They drove toward the west side of the wooded area of Rock Creek Park. They parked and watched. 

When it was clear that no one was about, they proceeded. Although Chandra Levy was a short woman and slender, authorities speculated that Emil carried the body on his shoulder. It was likely that a blanket or quilt covered her body. Even if the police drove near, they would not likely bother them, supposing that some sort of romantic interlude was imminent.

California Police speculated that Donnie led the way, using a small flashlight now and then as they proceeded into the thick, viney woods. When a suitable spot was found by Donnie, he signaled Emil. The huge Haitian Mandingo would then drop the body at the indicated spot. Immediately, the body would be "lost" in the grass, brush and vines.

Whether Donnie and Emil lingered nearby to provide a credible "cover story" cannot be known at this time.

FNP has learned from well-established Graham-watchers that Katherine Meyer Graham was very agitated during this time period. Privately, she must have been very worried about Chandra's absence. There have been unofficial reports of her frantically calling Rep. Condit, the Levy family, and her close advisors to find Chandra. Her life had had to endure so much, and now Chandra!

After his stint in Vietnam where Donnie was rumored to have assisted the C.I.A. in the Golden Triangle, he returned to Washington, D.C., where he briefly worked as a police officer with the Metropolitan Police. There, he made some lifelong friends, and he was able to help them in their careers as police officers over the years. The Washington Post was known to be close to the leadership of the Metropolitan Police, just as it was close to those at the C.I.A. and at the Pentagon.

Due to the D.C. Metropolitan Police considering Donnie "one of them," no investigation of Donald Graham as a potential "person of interest" had been initiated to this date. Usually reliable sources on the police beat have reported to FNP that they have heard nothing. Our own investigation has turned up no local investigation of Donald Graham.

Recently, cub reporters at The Washington Post have published a "complete" book on the "Chandra Levy murder."

Cathy Weymouth

Many have viewed the book as a Catharine Weymouth-engineered attempt to throw any investigators off the scent of Uncle Donald Graham. Its timing was a bit too perfect, as the Latino "patsy" was about to get his day in "kangaroo" court.

Has Donald Graham gotten away with it?

If Katherine Meyer Graham did learn of Donnie's involvement, then she must have known that she was in danger. Only a couple of months had passed since Chandra's unexplained disappearance, when the world learned of Katherine's "accidental fall" in Wyoming. California authorities realised that the triangle was crumbling before their eyes.

FNP will keep our eyes on this story.

FNP: LIKUD WARNED BY GOLDA MEIR

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:

There have been reports coming out of the Israeli state by usually reliable sources that the Likud Party has been reprimanded by Golda Meir, who appeared at a seance held by Rabbi Noshi for Binyamin Netanyahu and his chief advisers.

The late Prime Minister Meir appeared as a stern spectre before the exalted group. She was clearly angry that Netanyahu had turned to Sonny Barger to end Palestinian impudence, according to one highly placed observer. This observer quoted Ms. Golda Meir as exclaiming: "He is a putz!" She then turned to Netanyahu and snapped: "Macher! Your decisions are ipish!"

According to reliable but anonymous observers, the Prime Minister tried to defend his decision by stating that Sonny Barger would be a "patsy." The IDF had assured the leaders of the Likud that Barger would never leave the battlefront alive. When he was confirmed dead, then Haim "Bad Chad" Chaddakah would seize control of the Hell's Angels.

As its international leader, he would provide the Mossad with another intelligence tool, as well as potential assassins. Israeli-produced pharmaceutical products could be distributed worldwide by the Hell's Angels organizations.

From all accounts available to FNP, the spectral Golda was not reassured. Of Barger she sneered: "He is ganef! It is traif! "

According to witnesses, as time passed the Rabbi Noshi tried to placate the angry spirit. He smiled and observed: "My dear Golda, our problem is the Palestinians. They trouble us greatly. Az mir vill schlugen a hunt, gifintmin a schtecken! [If one wants to beat a dog, one finds a stick.]

Suddenly, the visitor from the spirit world began to soften. She seemed to move to the seated rabbi and was observed kissing his hands. As she did, according to one witness, three demons leaped from his fingers, as he had failed to wash his hands that morning.

According to two observers at the seance, the spectral Golda Meir confided: "I came with my Jew's heart and only meant well. Please don't think of me as a muttlemessig."

At that point, FNP was advised that she began to melt away into the air.

First Binyamin Netanyahu, and then the others, cried out: "Zorg dikh nit! Be happy, Golda! All is well."

This fascinating look into one of the high councils of the Israeli state sheds much light on decision-making processes in the pivotal Levantine state. As Lord Byron observed: "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Rabbi Noshi



NETANYAHU DEMANDS "MR. T" LEAVE ISRAELI STATE



Angry Netanyahu

 Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

FNP has learned that the controversial Mr.T is under renewed bombardment from the Israeli leader, Binyamin Netanyahu. According to a number of Israeli newspapers, the antagonism between the two has reached a violent, bloodfeud state.
According to famed Israeli media star, Gurli Gur, the feud began shortly after Israeli leaders secured the services of Mr.T to protect the comatose Ariel Sharon in his hospital room. The beloved Israeli general had been stricken by a life-threatening stroke.

Mr. Gurli Gur confirmed that, prior to the employment of Mr.T, a rumor had been circulating in Jerusalem to the effect that the general had been violated in his hospital room by some unknown villain.

To protect General Sharon in his vulnerable state, hospital authorities and Israeli state officials approved hiring Mr.T, whose world-wide reputation in the area of security and bodyguard protection was unequalled.

As is well-known among top intelligence people, Mr.T came to terms with the Israelis and flew to Jerusalem. He set up a security system to protect Ariel Sharon. It was this system that had apparently captured the villain in yet another assault.

According to these reports, the perpetrator was dressed as a nurse. However, the size and speed of the fleeing "nurse" suggested to Mr.T that the nurse was a man. Further, Mr.T's scrutinizing of the video, secretly taped, of everyone entering the room had revealed to him a hazy image. Using imaging techniques to refine the face in the video, Mr.T concluded that it was none other than Binyamin Netanyahu. 

Although Mr. Netanyahu always seemed to have been elsewhere at the times of the assaults on General Sharon, Mr.T's own experiences in moviemaking informed him of the possibiility of a body-double having been used.

Now, about this time Curtis Sliwa had led a regiment of Guardian Angels into Palestine to man and secure the borders between Israel and the Palestinian Authority. As a curtesy, Mr. Sliwa stopped by to express his admiration for the righteous work that Mr.T had been doing. They "hit it off" immediately and began to confer regularly.

This relationship deeply angered Mr. Netanyahu. He vowed to friends that he would drive Mr.T, Curtis Sliwa and the Palestians themselves out of Eretz Israel. He told his friends that Ariel Sharon would recover, because all he really needed was love. He stated that General Sharon would one day soon stand "shoulder to shoulder" with him.

While Mr.T was briefing the hospital authorities on the latest incident, he had left Curtis Sliwa to guard Ariel Sharon. According to confidants of the leader of the Guardian Angels, a strange event occurred, while he sat on a chair near the bed of the comatose Sharon.  

Apparently, the general's eyes opened briefly and he raised himself on his bed. He looked directly at Curtis and asked, "Are you an angel?" Mr. Sliwa, although surprised, calmly replied, "Yes, I am!" According to these reports, Ariel Sharon shut his eyes again and fell heavily upon his pillow and bed. He never was known to have awakened again.

FNP has confirmed from several usually reliable sources that the blood feud between Binyamin Netanyahu and his allies and Mr.T and his new ally, Curtis Sliwa and the Guardian Angels, was real. This added a new incendiary to the boiling cauldron in the Middle East. How and when it would "blow" was only a guess now. But it was and is our duty as journalists to find the answers somehow.

FNP pledges to its readers that it will pursue the answers to these and related questions in future editions.

FNP: INVESTIGATION OF "ACCIDENTAL" DEATH OF MEDIA MOGUL RUMORED

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

Usually informed sources in Wyoming have confirmed rumors among investigative reporters that the police have been exploring new evidence, possibly leading to homicide charges against Donald Graham for the murder of media tycoon, Katherine Meyer Graham. Police will neither confirm nor deny that an investigation had been underway for months.

From sources who would speak only under the condition of anonymity, the outline of this shocking story has surfaced.

According to these sources, persons well-connected to The Washington Post were privy to concerns which Mrs. Graham had expressed in regard to her strange son, Donald. For years, according to these sources, Donald Graham would lock himself in his living quarters and watch Richard Widmark movies. Few people were aware of Donald’s obsession, and Mrs. Graham tried to shield him from curious acquaintances.

Nevertheless, it was known by some that strange “cackling” sounds could be heard streaming from within Donald’s personal digs. To at least one person who actually heard the sound, it had a “crazy” quality that chilled him. It reminded him of the character, Renfield, in Dracula (the Bela Lugosi version). Others claimed that its quality was more crisp than that of the Renfield character.

When expert opinion was sought by one anonymous newshound in regard to the Richard Widmark films that might contain “cackling” sounds, the number one choice was Kiss of Death. Therefore, it seemed to be a good bet that in this film there was hidden some meaningful clue which might have the power to explain the mysterious death of Katherine Graham.

What was it? Were the Wyoming authorities already aware of it and proceeding apace?

People who knew the Grahams well have commented on the charming way that Donald would sneak up on his mother, grab her in a hug, and kiss her, saying, “Kiss of Donnie!" The general view was that she was very lucky to have such a loving son.

None of the Graham acquaintances nor any of the leading figures at The Washington Post would comment on the persistent rumors of a family cursed with insanity over three or four generations.

If this matter was to be investigated by authorities, the Wyoming police would take the lead, but at this point in time they were saying nothing.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF 

Recently released information from the Obama White House casts a new light on the "W." Administration's efforts at diplomacy in the Middle East.

There has been a growing sentiment within intelligence circles in the West that Osama bin Laden has fallen in love. According to usually reliable sources working the intelligence beat, Osama has been lying awake at night on his bedding in a cave in Pakistan, staring at a small picture which he had cut from a newspaper some months back. His only light has been a half burnt candle.



According to one clandestine observer who has since fled to the West, Osama has been heard muttering affectionate words to the picture. He has been seen kissing the photograph, sometimes passionately. One clandestine observer has sworn to intelligence debriefers that he had witnessed what must surely be an erection on the leader of al Qaeda, as he ogled the photograph.

Usually reliable sources especially close to French intelligence, have stated that the real reason that Osama bin Laden suddenly appeared to be much younger was that he had dyed his beard “black,” hoping to impress the object of his fiery passion. For this reason, anonymous insiders in the American & Israeli intelligence condominium realized that the object of his love must be someone likely to see Osama’s picture. If she was impressed by his youthful vigor, then she might signal to him that “she’s ready.”

Who was this mystery lady? According to the “turned Osama confidant,” who had sneaked a peek into Osama’s bedroom-in-a-cave, she was none other than Condoleezza Rice, U.S. Secretary of State.



According to highly placed State Department officials, the brainy beauty had been quoted as stating that she thought that Osama was “dreamy” and “a real hunk.” These same sources had been aware that Miss Rice was quietly working to arrange a private meeting with Osama in a neutral cave to discuss peace. Anonymous wags have dubbed it, “The Love Cave.” 

FNP: NOTED ZOOLOGIST LECTURES IN TEL-AVIV

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:


FNP has learned that Doctor Calvin Clower, a zoologist at the International Institute of Reptiles at San Jose, California, will be flying to Tel-Aviv to give his fifth lecture on the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard. The lecture was scheduled for the third Wednesday in October. 



Although not widely known in the United States, Dr. Clower has become a smash-hit in the Israeli state. How did this happen? You may ask.


According to a source that was very close to the founders of the Blue-Throated Movement, the relationship was improbable at the outset. It occurred this way:


Dr. Clower had been lecturing at various academic and theological sites within India, comparing Shiva and the Blue-Throated One. The brilliance of his lectures created much intellectual ferment there.


Apparently, on his way back to America he stopped over in the Israeli state.



His arrival was brought to the attention of certain rabbis, led by Rabbi Zvi ha’Locknclop, who urged him to speak briefly, even informally, to their group. Dr. Clower agreed. His speech was greeted by astonishment, followed by near hysterical excitement. According to our source, these rabbis loved it and were mesmerized by what the doctor had said. They begged him to return for a formal presentation. He agreed, and a date was set.


By this time the word had gotten around. Dr. Clower spoke in a large, SRO chamber to a group of eminent rabbis and scholars. He spoke with ardency and brilliance about the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard. There were tears in many eyes. These were not tears of sadness but of great joy.


According to Gurli Gur, the famed Israeli media star, the Jewish love affair with the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard was now “outed.” Everyone in Jerusalem, Tel-Aviv, Haifa, Ailat and every place in-between spoke about the Blue-Throated One. In religious schools students, preparing to be scholarly rabbis, could - not infrequently - be seen with blue-painted necks.


As Gurli Gur pointed out, Dr. Clower had become a celebrity in the Jewish state. His next lecture was televised. Jewish businessmen vied with each other to contract with Dr. Clower to vend his DVDs, books, and novelty items.
It was this “Blue-Throated Mania,” according to usually reliable sources, that inspired government leaders to set aside a natural reserve to house American Blue-Throated Wood Lizards. It would be a perfect environment for them. Israeli citizens could view them on display in a perfectly simulated natural environment. Jewish scientist would attempt to breed them as well.


If the Israeli state has replaced California as America’s “bell-weather” state, which points toward our future, then FNP predicts that ordinary Americans would become a lot more familiar with the little, swaggering reptile.


Out of curiosity, FNP conducted an informal poll of Washingtonians, asking them what they thought of the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard. Many respondents guessed that it was a Japanese movie monster. Others just shrugged their shoulders or smiled in puzzlement. As Gurli Gur quipped about America, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”



Nevertheless, FNP has learned from Texas sources that have proved reliable in the past that Minister John Hagee and a delegation from his congregation were planning to fly to the Israeli state, where they planned to present 1,000 Blue-Throated Wood Lizards to the Netanyahu government. If this story proved to be true, and it has the ring of truth, then the news about the magnificent, mysterious lizard has already reached our shores.

FNP intends to keep an eye on this story. If a Blue-Throated Movement develops in America, we will be the first to let you know.

FNP: DEATH IN SAFARI-LAND

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

FNP has learned that a terrible accident has recently occurred at the posh private reserve in south Texas known as African Safari-Land & Spa. A young man who worked as a caddy at the prestigious 36-hole golf course that adjoins the wild game reserve at Safari-Land was killed in an accident, involving former Vice President Richard "Dick" Cheney.

According to usually reliable sources, the caddy may have been involved in drug trafficking. He apparently was armed and, when accidentally encountering the former VP in the rough near a fence that separates the animal reserve from the golf course, he drew his handgun to fire.

Mr. Cheney, who was armed with a high-powered rifle that he was using to hunt oystrich, hoping to have the trophy made into boots, leveled his weapon on the caddy and fired. Both men were hit. According to a Saudi Arabian official who requested anonymity, he was part of a group, including Mr. Cheney and an undisclosed member of the Bush family, who were hunting in the reserve that morning. He stated that the wounded caddy was screaming and writhing on the ground just inside the fence at the rough of the golf course. He witnessed the wounded and enraged VP go to the fence, aim his rifle, and fire into the caddy a death wound. All agreed that this was an accident and mercy killing, as the caddy could not be saved, considering his grievous wounds.

Other usually reliable sources have told FNP, strictly on the basis of not for attribution, that the caddy appeared to have a backpack full of packages of white material. However, subsequent searches of the golf course area near the accident reportedly resulted in no unusual discoveries.

Richard Cheney was rushed to a hospital for treatment and later transferred to a hospital closer to his home. There, he was reported to have had a "heart procedure" done. The good news is that the former VP seems to be on the mend.

FNP is further investigating the expensive, exclusive, members-only African Safari-Land & Spa and intends upon getting a fuller story. We believe that there is more here than meets the eyes.  

NEW DEAL BLOGGING

This site will feature some of Faux News Press' media releases. The breaking reports of the day that are typically ignored by the major media outlets are staples at "FNP." They will continue to publish at Bravenet.com as well. Faux News Press originally was published at WordPress.com, as part of the Nomoonnight blog. However, the power of Nomoonnight's material was unacceptable to their "liberal" environment at WordPress.com, as they had no defense against facts and truth, which are usually consigned to the trashcan as material omissions in major media and academia. In short Nomoonnight was "suspended" after over 100 pithy blogs had been published, and all the blogs were incarcerated in a no-visitors concentration camp to await extermination. It was a privilege granted to WordPress.com by its "rules" and, hence, no explanation was required and certainly not offered.

Parenthetically, some of the retros at WordPress.com have tried to publish "simulated" Faux News Press material. Naturally, it lacked genius, given the sources. 

THE ATTACK OF THE SHELL CHRISTIANS

Unruly events occurred on July 21, 2010. A convention of bogus Christians had gathered at the Convention Center in Washington, D.C. According to American Free Press, which provided some coverage of this affair, Medea Benjamin, who has criticized some policies of the Israeli state, as well as AFP's employee, John Tiffany, who both observed the strange affair and who implicitly affirmed that Zionism was not the Way of Christ, found themselves dodging a Hageeite running amok with a "war club." For their peaceful protest they were treated as if they had been casting out demons with the help of the devil.

The specific group of shell Christians referenced here were the followers of Zionist servant, John Hagee. He has been such a good puppy that his masters have rewarded him with a 5000 acres ranch in Texas and enough financial support that he can two-step through the tulips all the rest of his days. He's a millionaire.

The Hageeites have no shame about their vulgar riches, as they believe that they were "blessings" that naturally followed their "blessing" of Jews according to the Abrahamic Covenant. In this sense, they are at one with the followers of the late, Masonic preacher, Jerry Falwell, who would never criticize the Jews for fear of the "curse" that would befall those who "curse" the Jews.

Naturally, these Learned Elders of Bogus Christianity deleted from their minds the weighty problem that the Abrahamic Covenant didn't apply to the descendants of Esau. Since John Hyrcanus coerced the only large population of Edomites known (Idumaia [Greek term for Edom]) into conversion to Judaism, the only certain descendants of Esau resided within the Jewish population. In the time of Jesus Christ that would include Herod, his wife, Caiphus, most high priests and probably the Temple Guard. 

Furthermore, Jacob-Israel, as he neared death, made Ephraim and Manasseh the inheritors of the Promises made to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Therefore, they went with the Northern Kingdom into Assyrian Bondage and never returned. The Children of the Promise went into Europe primarily, becoming the Celto-Germanic people. The Children of the Promise were replanted, as was prophesied in Samuel. They never followed after the Jews; the Jews pursued them with the enmity that one would expect from the Children of Esau.

If Jews are a destined people, it is the destiny to be the heart and soul of the AntiChrist of Revelation. They have never, as a people, been "of Christ's flock" nor have they, as a group, "heard his voice." A small percentage have perceived Jesus Christ as their "Lord and Savior." This attests to the greatness of God. Even a people written into the Great Drama as the chief antagonist has been allowed to produce a few who have found Grace. As with any playwright, God is the author of the good, as well as the bad. He cannot affirm the bad, but after the play, all are restored. At close of the curtain the players, good characters and bad, one by one take their place under the light, and there is no more darkness. 

We are not at the latter point. Bad behavior can be very real indeed.

Gary Bauer, a malicious midget, was reported to have used "salty" words, when "documents of change" were presented him. He would not be denied his companionship with the idol-worshipping shell Christians inside the Convention Center, for whom the land of Israel (sic) has become a graven image. They do not understand that The Most High doesn't live there anymore, and that Jesus Christ will bring His Kingdom where the Israelite Christians are, rather than where the Edomite Jews reside as an official nation. 

Attending the Hageeite gathering as a sort of "Fruit of Edom" were "representatives" of Israel (sic), as well as American Jews of the hairy, nasty sort. Frank Gaffney was there. Also, Michael Medved made it. Perhaps the most influencial individual there was Jewish billionaire, Mortimer Zuckerman.

Although this meeting cannot be compared with one for the American-Israel Political Action Committee in terms of hordes of U.S. senators and representatives attending, Representative Eric Cantor (R-VA), Representative Mike Pence (R-Ind.), and former Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) made the scene. Hageeite gatherings don't seem to be as compelling to Democrat politicians.

Although Jews contribute more than 50% of the money gathered in by the Democrat Party, one can see a different approach being used to influence Republicans. Somehow or other Mammon always seems to be at the guts of either party's motivation. Vanity may run a close second. 

The peaceful protest against Israeli violence that AFP observed was perversely met by not only violent words but violent deeds. A follower of John Hagee and Gary Bauer, incensed at righteousness, initiated an attack on Mr. Tiffany. Not content with this assault, he followed with an attack on Ms. Benjamin, who was a leader of Code Pink which is a pro-peace organization.

According to witnesses, there were Washington D.C. Metropolitan Police at the scene of violence, who did nothing. There was, of course, the possibility that Mayor Fenty had ordered a "stand down" attitude in the face of crime. Public relations has been very important to District mayors, since Marion Barry involuntarily went public in a very negative video. Riling the Hageeites might not have seemed to be a desirable course. 

At any rate one witness to the assault on Mr. Tiffany stated, "The assailant's name, based on his name tag, appeared to be Harold Lightstone and it appeared that he was from the state of New Jersey. The assailant was an older man, considerably taler and heavier than Ms. Benjamin, who is a slight, slender woman. The assailant used a heavy carrying bag - possibly laden with weights - which he wielded as a weapon, swinging it at Mr. Tiffany repeatedly, shouting angrily and loudly as he did so. Mr. Tiffany did not strike back; rather, he attempted to make his way away from the attacker who continued his assault until surrounded by others who were seeking to stop him." [American Free Press, August 2, 2010, p. 11]

Violence in the name of Baalim and Mammon seem to be primary attributes of the Israelis and their shell Christian supporters. Both groups, assuming there is a real demarcation somewhere, support a nuclear attack on Iran (and anyone else that they conjure up as an "enemy" of Israel (sic). For them the world cannot be made into a safe place until it is destroyed. After the Earthly Holocaust, they envision "love in the ruins." Jewry will be resurrected; its puppy will be at its side.

JUDGING DIVERSITY

Here come de judge!

The Freemasonic hero, Justice Stephens, has decided to step down. I say "Freemasonic" not because I know him to be a "Brother," but because his opinions and voting pattern secured his status. The liberal idiom is the Masonic idiom. When that liberalism is expressed by opinions completely at one with the Masonic watchwords of "liberty, equality, fraternity," then the issue is sealed. When those opinions reflect also the new Masonic watchword of "tolerance," then it is double sealed.

Freemasons pride themselves on being radicals and revolutionaries. Always, they point out the numerous Masons involved in the formation of the United States of America. If any of these "Founding Fathers" also made allusion to the work of the Constitution or to the practical application of its principles in terminology suggesting that it was protean and meant to be fashioned by the hysterical mob in any way that seemed good, then one can be certain that present day Masons will seize upon it to promote the current agenda.

Whatever one might say about the Founding Fathers, they did put their thoughts in writing. They clearly established a nation. They clearly established rules and regulations for its operation. Such concepts as "the General Wellfare" were specifically stated.

Contemporary Masons are working to establish a real global nation, that will be composed of somewhat soverign nation-states. They (Masons) have not brought forth an amendment to place before the voters, which allowed the nation's leaders - in their wisdom - to change the sovereign United States of America into a "global team player" shorn of much of its independence of action. They have simply done it.

Their "tools" as builders of a global "democracy" have been treaties, wars, and international corporate businesses and financial enterprises. Treaties were favored in America because the U.S. Constitution provides solid backing for them as "laws of the land." No supreme Court has ever voided their effects, if they were not directly inimicable to the fundamental "Law of the Land." Virtually all these treaties nibble at national sovereignty. They should be entitled "Threaties."

International finance is every bit as revolutionary as international communism ever was. The world has not been conquered by determined proletariats but by amiable debt-mongers, setting the world up for a debt-ridden culture of near property-less serfs. In the words of 20th Century German mogul, Walter Rathenau: "Half the world produces dross and the other half buys it." Minus its "feel-good" prose, that appears to be the future which Masonic "Builders" are building.

I freely acknowledge the "magic" of God's Earth to reveal secrets that bail humankind out of a seemingly dark and doomy future. Perhaps, that will happen again. If it does not, look for beaucoup trouble ahead.

Masons belong to a brotherhood of builders. Rebuilding the Temple in Jerusalem was and is a premier goal. They also like to talk about this in metaphorical ways. Masonic thinkers in the West have always been at the forefront of the Eastern mystical craze that struck England, its Commonwealth, and America in the late '50s and steamrolled forward. Consciousness-Raising and Evolution were both promoted by Masons. These ideas were intrinsic to the Mystery Religions. All of the latter have easily reckonized influences based upon concepts found in the Cabalah.

Can Masonic "team-players" across the globe rebuild the world, repairing its "flaws?"

They tend to be "cockeyed optimists" and believe that if the global population can be cut to between 500 million and 1 billion people, then the resources of the Earth and its population can be brought into equalibrium.

How do you eliminate some 6 billion or so people in a fashion not likely to "raise eyebrows?"

One way is to create "terrorists" with which to threaten the people. The terrorists would be real. Usable personalities would be manipulated into action, funded, provided access to plenty of lethal weapons, and released to run amok working out their imagined grievances. Urban environments - by definition - have the most "expendable" human potential. Remote areas would be perfect for genocide.

Additionally, American forces, allied forces, and United Nations' forces could be sent to many places on the globe to fight terrorists and/or insurrectionists (anti-"Democratic" factions). If they can't find any terrorists to kill, then they could - ooops! - smart-bomb some harmless citizens here and there. Also, stirring up factions within a territory, arming them, and letting them kill each other adds to the body count.

Still, these casualties amount to "flesh wounds" in the total gore required to get the population down to Masonically-manageable ranges. There has got to be a limited mass destruction now and then. Hydrogen bombs would help. However, pandemics appear to be the new shining hope of Masonry to cut the human numbers. Since Masons control many pharmaceutical companies, each of which operates globally, then "accidental" releases of deadly biological diseases, et al, would seem to be a good approach. Lethal diseases should be much quicker than dying of thirst or for lack of healthy food.

In regard to the latter the movie documentary "Super-Size It" suggested that six weeks of constant McDonald's food might kill all on the diet. For Freemasons this may seem the humane, free-enterprise, systemic approach to the problem defined by the population/resources equation.

Since we view Freemasonry as the "feel-good" flipside of the Jewish Tikkun olam ("repair of the world"), and, therefore, a part of the World Jewish Agenda (millionaire Jewish politician [NJ] Corzine's expression), we believe that Ms. Kagan will be a "shue in" as Justice Stephens' replacement.

With the seating of Ms. Kagan diversity will be established as a principle of our "democratic" government. She will bring the percent of known Jewish judges on the supreme Court to 33 1/3%. That's not "chopped liver" for a group that totals about 4-5% of the nation's population.

With the other 66 2/3 % justices said to be Roman Catholics, reasoned thought and freedom of expression seem doomed. There will be a high, thick wall built to exclude bonafides Christian influences, while criticism of the "Holocaust," the State of Israel (sic), or Jewry will not be tolerated. [This is the Masonic exception that proves the rule.]

You think this foolish talk? The jibber-jabber of a clown?

The Papal denunciation of the English Bishop Williamson's profession of disbelief in the "Holocaust" crossed directly into the path of a non-Catholic doctrine (i.e. non-Christian) to remonstrate against a rational belief. Why?

The "Holocaust" is clearly a Jewish Messianic doctrine that was conceived as a replacement doctrine for Jesus Messianic doctrine, which was and is the heart of Christianity. If the "Holocaust" can be put over, then Christianity should wither away. Whatever remnant remained could be eliminated on any of many pretexts.