FNP: MICHELLE ANNOUNCES FARM EXPANSION

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEFS

FNP has learned from sources within the White House that First Lady Michelle Obama has obtained a five-year, renewable lease on a certain verdant section of the Mall. According to our source, her purpose is to expand her share-cropping program on the White House lawn, which gave Washington, D.C. children an opportunity to work in the field as many of their ancestors did.

The First Lady’s success with children share-croppers has encouraged her to expand the scope of her experimental garden. The demand for White House veggies far exceeded the available produce. Michelle has vowed not to “tax” away the children’s share so as to meet this unexpected demand from all across the globe. Requests from Buckingham Palace and the Imperial Palace of Japan, as well as the Vatican, indicate the scope of the demand for White House veggies.

Needless to say, the price of White House veggies has “sky-rocketed” in the face of this demand. However, at this time there has been no move to regulate these commodities by any agency. FNP has heard rumors that some of the share-cropper children have hired agents to handle their shares of the veggies.

Therefore, with the advice and consent of President Obama, the First Lady quietly explored the possibility of using suitable Mall land. After weeks of discussion among White House staffers and those of Capitol Hill figures, as well as certain Executive Departments, the “green light” was given to the use of Mall land near the White House south lawn.

At this time First Lady Michelle Obama is working with staffers to increase the opportunities of becoming a White House share-cropper for all American kids. Further, a program to bring in foreign children as guest share-croppers is being considered.

One anonymous newshound has ventured to guess that, if Michelle Obama continued to whirl peas at this rate, she may well join her husband, Barack, as a Nobel Prize winner.

FNP: EARLY MAO OPERA DISCOVERED

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, D.C.:

NEWS BRIEF

FNP has learned that German musicologists have discovered a vault in China that contained a collection of Mao Tze-Tung memorabilia from his post-college years preceding the communist revolution that overturned the Masonic republic. In these years Mao was developing his Marxist views.

Surprisingly, Mao Tze-Tung first intellectual love appeared to be opera. He clearly studied the Italian and French masters, as there were very early attempts at opera creation in the Italian style. However, melody was not as important a musical inspiration for Mao as discordance. Even in these early years after college, Mao appeared to love the clash of marching sounds in combat furious.

The German expert, Professor Esau Kochen, who led the team of musical experts that examined the first vault, expressed the view that Mao was not so much a musical genius as a musical general. He stated that Mao’s early works were instructive in developing a better understanding of his evolving socialist world-view.

As an example of one of the early Mao operas, Professor Kochen cited “Revolutionary Peasant-Farmers Rise Up and Smash the Capitalist Pig Peasant-Farmers.” According to the professor, this opera, using broad, clashing movements of discordant sounds, captured the essential elements later realized as the Cultural Revolution. This was formative work by the young Marxist giant. However, it contained the essential Mao dictum: “The high C alone is Bonapartist.”

FNP has been advised by German sources close to the Kochen group that the German team, including Dr. Heim Hirsh, Professor Helen Roth, and the Russian expatriot, Dr. Ivan Putinshtern, have been invited to spend the next three years in China as guests of the People’s Republic. The Chinese Cultural Minister, Ju-Man Nao, had advised them that there were many suspected “Mao vaults” hidden throughout China. He said that unknown cultural richness only awaited its being discovered to perhaps “change the world with Mao’s songs.”