FNP has learned that Doctor Calvin Clower, a zoologist at the International Institute of Reptiles at San Jose, California, will be flying to Tel-Aviv to give his fifth lecture on the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard. The lecture was scheduled for the third Wednesday in October.
Although not widely known in the United States, Dr. Clower has become a smash-hit in the Israeli state. How did this happen? You may ask.
According to a source that was very close to the founders of the Blue-Throated Movement, the relationship was improbable at the outset. It occurred this way:
Dr. Clower had been lecturing at various academic and theological sites within India, comparing Shiva and the Blue-Throated One. The brilliance of his lectures created much intellectual ferment there.
Apparently, on his way back to America he stopped over in the Israeli state.
His arrival was brought to the attention of certain rabbis, led by Rabbi Zvi ha’Locknclop, who urged him to speak briefly, even informally, to their group. Dr. Clower agreed. His speech was greeted by astonishment, followed by near hysterical excitement. According to our source, these rabbis loved it and were mesmerized by what the doctor had said. They begged him to return for a formal presentation. He agreed, and a date was set.
By this time the word had gotten around. Dr. Clower spoke in a large, SRO chamber to a group of eminent rabbis and scholars. He spoke with ardency and brilliance about the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard. There were tears in many eyes. These were not tears of sadness but of great joy.
According to Gurli Gur, the famed Israeli media star, the Jewish love affair with the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard was now “outed.” Everyone in Jerusalem, Tel-Aviv, Haifa, Ailat and every place in-between spoke about the Blue-Throated One. In religious schools students, preparing to be scholarly rabbis, could - not infrequently - be seen with blue-painted necks.
As Gurli Gur pointed out, Dr. Clower had become a celebrity in the Jewish state. His next lecture was televised. Jewish businessmen vied with each other to contract with Dr. Clower to vend his DVDs, books, and novelty items.
It was this “Blue-Throated Mania,” according to usually reliable sources, that inspired government leaders to set aside a natural reserve to house American Blue-Throated Wood Lizards. It would be a perfect environment for them. Israeli citizens could view them on display in a perfectly simulated natural environment. Jewish scientist would attempt to breed them as well.
If the Israeli state has replaced California as America’s “bell-weather” state, which points toward our future, then FNP predicts that ordinary Americans would become a lot more familiar with the little, swaggering reptile.
Out of curiosity, FNP conducted an informal poll of Washingtonians, asking them what they thought of the Blue-Throated Wood Lizard. Many respondents guessed that it was a Japanese movie monster. Others just shrugged their shoulders or smiled in puzzlement. As Gurli Gur quipped about America, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
Nevertheless, FNP has learned from Texas sources that have proved reliable in the past that Minister John Hagee and a delegation from his congregation were planning to fly to the Israeli state, where they planned to present 1,000 Blue-Throated Wood Lizards to the Netanyahu government. If this story proved to be true, and it has the ring of truth, then the news about the magnificent, mysterious lizard has already reached our shores.
FNP intends to keep an eye on this story. If a Blue-Throated Movement develops in America, we will be the first to let you know.
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