NETANYAHU DEMANDS "MR. T" LEAVE ISRAELI STATE



Angry Netanyahu

 Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

FNP has learned that the controversial Mr.T is under renewed bombardment from the Israeli leader, Binyamin Netanyahu. According to a number of Israeli newspapers, the antagonism between the two has reached a violent, bloodfeud state.
According to famed Israeli media star, Gurli Gur, the feud began shortly after Israeli leaders secured the services of Mr.T to protect the comatose Ariel Sharon in his hospital room. The beloved Israeli general had been stricken by a life-threatening stroke.

Mr. Gurli Gur confirmed that, prior to the employment of Mr.T, a rumor had been circulating in Jerusalem to the effect that the general had been violated in his hospital room by some unknown villain.

To protect General Sharon in his vulnerable state, hospital authorities and Israeli state officials approved hiring Mr.T, whose world-wide reputation in the area of security and bodyguard protection was unequalled.

As is well-known among top intelligence people, Mr.T came to terms with the Israelis and flew to Jerusalem. He set up a security system to protect Ariel Sharon. It was this system that had apparently captured the villain in yet another assault.

According to these reports, the perpetrator was dressed as a nurse. However, the size and speed of the fleeing "nurse" suggested to Mr.T that the nurse was a man. Further, Mr.T's scrutinizing of the video, secretly taped, of everyone entering the room had revealed to him a hazy image. Using imaging techniques to refine the face in the video, Mr.T concluded that it was none other than Binyamin Netanyahu. 

Although Mr. Netanyahu always seemed to have been elsewhere at the times of the assaults on General Sharon, Mr.T's own experiences in moviemaking informed him of the possibiility of a body-double having been used.

Now, about this time Curtis Sliwa had led a regiment of Guardian Angels into Palestine to man and secure the borders between Israel and the Palestinian Authority. As a curtesy, Mr. Sliwa stopped by to express his admiration for the righteous work that Mr.T had been doing. They "hit it off" immediately and began to confer regularly.

This relationship deeply angered Mr. Netanyahu. He vowed to friends that he would drive Mr.T, Curtis Sliwa and the Palestians themselves out of Eretz Israel. He told his friends that Ariel Sharon would recover, because all he really needed was love. He stated that General Sharon would one day soon stand "shoulder to shoulder" with him.

While Mr.T was briefing the hospital authorities on the latest incident, he had left Curtis Sliwa to guard Ariel Sharon. According to confidants of the leader of the Guardian Angels, a strange event occurred, while he sat on a chair near the bed of the comatose Sharon.  

Apparently, the general's eyes opened briefly and he raised himself on his bed. He looked directly at Curtis and asked, "Are you an angel?" Mr. Sliwa, although surprised, calmly replied, "Yes, I am!" According to these reports, Ariel Sharon shut his eyes again and fell heavily upon his pillow and bed. He never was known to have awakened again.

FNP has confirmed from several usually reliable sources that the blood feud between Binyamin Netanyahu and his allies and Mr.T and his new ally, Curtis Sliwa and the Guardian Angels, was real. This added a new incendiary to the boiling cauldron in the Middle East. How and when it would "blow" was only a guess now. But it was and is our duty as journalists to find the answers somehow.

FNP pledges to its readers that it will pursue the answers to these and related questions in future editions.