Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF 

Recently released information from the Obama White House casts a new light on the "W." Administration's efforts at diplomacy in the Middle East.

There has been a growing sentiment within intelligence circles in the West that Osama bin Laden has fallen in love. According to usually reliable sources working the intelligence beat, Osama has been lying awake at night on his bedding in a cave in Pakistan, staring at a small picture which he had cut from a newspaper some months back. His only light has been a half burnt candle.



According to one clandestine observer who has since fled to the West, Osama has been heard muttering affectionate words to the picture. He has been seen kissing the photograph, sometimes passionately. One clandestine observer has sworn to intelligence debriefers that he had witnessed what must surely be an erection on the leader of al Qaeda, as he ogled the photograph.

Usually reliable sources especially close to French intelligence, have stated that the real reason that Osama bin Laden suddenly appeared to be much younger was that he had dyed his beard “black,” hoping to impress the object of his fiery passion. For this reason, anonymous insiders in the American & Israeli intelligence condominium realized that the object of his love must be someone likely to see Osama’s picture. If she was impressed by his youthful vigor, then she might signal to him that “she’s ready.”

Who was this mystery lady? According to the “turned Osama confidant,” who had sneaked a peek into Osama’s bedroom-in-a-cave, she was none other than Condoleezza Rice, U.S. Secretary of State.



According to highly placed State Department officials, the brainy beauty had been quoted as stating that she thought that Osama was “dreamy” and “a real hunk.” These same sources had been aware that Miss Rice was quietly working to arrange a private meeting with Osama in a neutral cave to discuss peace. Anonymous wags have dubbed it, “The Love Cave.”